Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Supposedly Teaching, Part XII

Or: "I Blessed the Snows Down in Africa"

Miss Bowers: *Enters classroom dramatically at the start of class after photocopying last minute pop quiz which is totally not something that happens a lot* Clear off your desks! We're taking a quiz!

Students: What? A Quiz? On What? We haven't learned anything.

Miss Bowers: *deep, deep inside restrains the biggest eye-roll of her life*

Miss Bowers: It's a quiz. And it's going to be the hardest quiz you have ever taken. And it's a summative grade. And it's worth 75% of your entire class grade.

The students laugh, roll their eyes, and start clearing their desks.

Miss Bowers: Close your laptops. All you need is your brain and a pencil.

Student 1: You really like that phrase, don't you?

Miss Bowers: What, close your laptops?

Student 1: No, "All you need is a brain and a pencil."

Miss Bowers: Oh, I thought you meant "close your laptops." But I do like saying "all you need is your brain and a pencil" because every time I ask you a question you automatically try to Google it. When I was your age we didn't have that option. We actually had to think!

Student 2: You had dial-up.

Miss Bowers: *makes screeching dial-up sound*

Miss Bowers: And it would take forever for anything to load, and because I lived in Africa, it would take, like 17 years for anything to load.

Student 3: Really?

Miss Bowers: Of course, I also had to walk uphill both ways in the snow, so, it was a really hard childhood.

Multiple Students (whispering).

Student 3: Oh, wow...really? In Africa? I didn't know they had snow in Africa. *Looks very confused*

Miss Bowers: Of course, I lived at the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro, so that's why I had to walk in the snow.

Student 3: Oh, that makes sense. I was so confused as to why there was snow in Africa.

Multiple students nod their head in acknowledgement of the logic of this factoid about Miss Bowers's African childhood.

These were the 10th graders. And they actually believed me. Looks like I may have to recreate my sarcasm sign...

It's a good thing I stopped before I got to the part about riding the camels to school and all the lions I had as pets as a child.