Here are just a few of the comments and/or advice I (and other single friends) have garnered in my almost 31 years of being single:
1) Have you tried online dating?
It's amazing to me how online dating has now become the Golden Ticket to finding a husband. And that people who have never been on a dating site now seem to think it's the cat's pajamas.
(Also, people who use the phrase "cat's pajama's" probably have no hope on a dating site.)
Last year one of my students asked me if I had ever tried Craigslist.
For a date.
2) Right now, God has you in a bubble. He's protecting you from all the men out there who aren't right for you. When the right one comes along, He'll pop the bubble.
Believe it or not, this was the thesis of a very real chapel message at Houghton College delivered by a couple who worked for Focus on the Family, bless their bones. It's probably not a good idea to tell a chapel full of mostly women (because we all attend a college with a 3:1 ratio of women to men) that they are currently surrounded in a Godly bubble that will be popped when they meet the right man.
There may have been some good old fashioned bra burning after that message (not that I participated in it - on my meager college student's budget there was no way I was burning a perfectly good bra!).
P.S. There wasn't actually any bra burning. I just said that for effect. Also known as exaggeration. Also know as hyperbole. Also sometimes known as lying, but I prefer not to call it that.
3) If you just lowered your standards...
If you were just willing to date someone who is breathing. What else do you need in a man?
4) My niece met her boyfriend online. And she was single for yeeeaarrrsss.
Yes, thank you for telling me yet another online dating success story. Let me run out and find the man of my dreams amidst all the scuzzballs and creeps leering at my pictures on Matc
5) You're so cute - you're a d o r a b l e. I don't understand why someone hasn't just snatched you up.
Thank you. But this is 2016 and I am not simply going to be "snatched up" by a man. If I wanted to be "snatched up" by someone, I would have gone out with the guys who asked me on dates when I waited tables at Denny's:
"Can I have your number?"
"No, you can't have my number. Would you like cheese on your scrambled eggs?"
"Does it cost extra?"
"Then, no. Why can't I have your number?"
6) Oh, it's too bad. My (brother/cousin/friend) would be perfect you. But he lives in (San Diego/Seattle/Montana).
Grrrreeeaaatttt. That really helps me out a lot.
|I don't actually feel this way about long distance dating. But this is my face when someone tells me that they know someone perfect for me...in Sydney, Australia or something.|
7) You're such a nice girl. I can't understand why you aren't married.
So, you're saying I have a nice personality...?
|For those of you not familiar with internet memes this is not a picture of me. The way you can tell is that I was not allowed to read Goosebumps as a child.|
8) I've set up so many people. Let's see if I can't find someone for you.
*Proceeds to set you up with someone really awkward and you wonder if this is the kind of person your acquaintance thinks you are.*
9) You'll find someone once you stop looking. I found my husband after I gave up dating and looking for a man in my life.
Someone just told me this the other day. They were a really nice, sweet, Christian woman, and I wanted to punch them.
10) Have you tried online dating?
Yes. Stop. Asking.
A few more that I thought of after publishing this post:
11) But don't you want to get married?
12) So, when are you gonna get married, young lady?
First of all, of course I want to get married. Second of all, what makes you think I have any control over the situation?
|In my defense, she is basically the cutest dog in the world.|
So, here's the lesson in all of this: the next time you have a conversation with a single person, don't talk about the fact they're single. Have a conversation about politics or religion or something. Because those might actually be less touchy or personal subjects than the reason they aren't married yet.
What's the most outrageous thing a person has ever said to you about being single?
Disclaimers: (Because I can never write a snarky post without worrying that I've offended someone)
If you every tried to set me up with someone...please don't take it personally. I know you meant well. And if you've ever thought about setting me up with someone, but aren't going to risk it now, hey, why not? I live in the United States for another 6 weeks. Anything could happen.
And you know this is all in good fun, right? Right? I'm just trying to make light of something that people take oh so very seriously.
And you know that I wouldn't be writing this post if I was, like, wallowing in singleness or something, right? This post IS NOT A CRY FOR HELP.
Of course now you're going to think that because I said it in capital letters. Whatever - I can't win. Whatever. I'll just continue to express my feelings in memes. (Hey, at least it's not emojis.)
Full disclosure on the memes: I got them from Google image searches. They don't belong to me. If this blog becomes really famous and I start making money I'll go back and find the links. That'll probably hold up in the copy-write lawsuit, right?